Mixed Emotions
by xLaurenmx
Summary: Jac Naylor is still in denial about her relationship with Jonny, but she is torn between emotions when a familiar face from the past shows up at Holby City Hospital. Will she finally realise that their relationship is more than just casual? Reference to other characters including Chrissie/Sacha/Michael. Could be read as a prequel to my fic Past No More, but could be read separately
1. Chapter 1

Consultant Jac was sorting out patients' notes at the Nurses' Station on Darwin, while chatting to Dr Valentine and sitting beside Nurse Jonny.

"How's the research going, Ollie?" she asked the junior doctor.

"Remember, I want it done and on my desk, on the deadline, not one day late! Understood?" Jac said in a calm but cold tone, she always wanted to show that no one should mess with her, especially her mentees.

"Yes, of course, it's almost finished." Ollie responded confidently. He was used to her attitude now.

As Ollie walked off to observe the patient in HDU, Jonny took his chance to comment.

"That's my Naylor! Cold and icy on the outside, but hot and feisty with whoever manages to get close!" Jonny joked, while he sided closer to Jac.

"Keep it down will you? We agreed to keep a professional relationship on the ward!" Jac replied nervously. She still couldn't admit her relationship with Jonny to herself, let alone to her colleagues. What started as a casual relationship may have evolved into something better, but still Jac was in denial.

Jac finished talking in just enough time for Mo not to overhear their whispered chat.

"Jonny Mac! I want you to run the usuals for the patient in bed 8…you know...bloods, Us and Es, LFTs, a chest x-ray and an ECG and half-hourly obs, we haven't determined his condition yet." Mo ordered Jonny as she handed over patient's notes and continued her routine ward round.

Jac continued researching about her patient, when she heard manly footsteps coming towards the main desk. As she lifted her face from the computer screen, she was astonished to encounter a familiar face from the past…

"Joseph!" she exclaimed, as she got off her chair and stood up to greet him, "and baby Harry!" She couldn't believe it, it was Joseph, an ex-colleague, ex-lover and old friend, who she hasn't seen in more than a year. He was just as she remembered him, looking smart in a blue shirt, which made his amazing blue eyes sparkle.

"Well he is growing older, turning two next winter." continued Joseph.

"So, what brings you back to Holby?"

"Well, I thought I'd pay a visit to my old friends."

"Oh I see. It's nice to see you again after so long Joseph." Seeing Joe's face again, suddenly brought back many memories they shared together.

But Jac noticed something different, since she last saw him…a wedding ring on his finger.

"Wedding ring…you remarried?" Jac asked surprised.

"Ah, yes. Well, life has to go on, and I think I found my happiness. With respect Jac, we both made our own decisions and departed our own ways." Replied Joseph, remembering that he had asked Jac to leave Holby with him, but despite this, Jac had declined.

"I understand, Joseph. I'm pleased for you, really." Jac's feelings were sincere, but she didn't want to give Joseph the impression that she ended up alone.

"I'm also seeing someone." She continued. "He doesn't work here", Jac still couldn't come to terms with her relationship with Jonny.

"Right, well...Hope that this someone makes you happy."

But just in the middle of this conversation, Jac heard another familiar voice approaching.

"Joseph! There you are! I've been looking all over for you!" To Jac's surprise, it was Faye! … Joseph's ex-wife.

"Ah! This just keeps getting better and better!" exclaimed Jac, who was less than happy to see Faye's face again, and immediately smirked at her huge baby bump.

"Nice to see you too, Jac" Faye said sarcastically. "Joseph, hand over Harry, I want to show him off on AAU, they haven't seen him yet."

"Are you sure you'll manage carrying him?" Joseph asked her as she took her son in her arms. He was concerned about the heavily pregnant Faye.

"Yes, of course, I'm fine." Faye replied as she gave him a quick kiss, mostly to impress Jac, and she was off to AAU.

Jac lead Joseph into the closest staff room to continue their conversation, privately.

"Faye! ...You moved on with Faye!" Jac shouted. She wasn't happy to hear about this.

"So? What did you expect? To spend my whole life, waiting for you, when you feel comfortable, to finally come and be with me? I had to move on, Jac!" Joseph defended himself.

"I'm not saying that. I wanted you to move on and be happy. But from all people, you remarried Faye… the two-timing bitch who cheated on you with your colleague!" Jac started to lose it.

"Don't talk about her that way! Everybody deserves a second chance."

"Oh please! You're defending her, like you've forgotten what she did to you! She didn't even want you in theatre when she gave birth to Harry, for God's sake!" Jac cared too much about Joseph, and she still did. She didn't want to see him hurt again.

"Yes, I know, and I haven't forgotten. But, for Harry's sake, I've forgiven her."

"I doubt a woman like her, deserves forgiveness!" Jac muttered.

"That's Enough Jac!" He couldn't let her talk like that about the mother of his son and unborn child, and now his wife.

"She's Harry's mum! She has every right to be around him! After a year, she recovered from her mental illness, and came to take him away. I couldn't let her take my son away from me. Besides, she had nowhere to go, so I offered her a chance to live with me, and we could raise him together…one thing just led to another, and we bonded again." Joseph explained the backstory.

"Oh really?! … How exactly did you bond? Let me guess, she couldn't wait to jump into bed with you, and get her hands on you and your money." Jac couldn't take this anymore.

"Oh please Jac, stop being so petulant! It was nothing like that! We grew to love each other again, and we're happy that we are adding another member to our family."

"Right! And what happened to the fear of having Lowe's? I thought you'd be more careful than that." Jac reminded him.

"Yes, we were scared at first, but luckily enough we have nothing to be afraid of now. We found out, we're expecting a girl, so there's no chance of her suffering from Lowe's syndrome." Joseph said happily.

"Well, it's not my place to say anymore. If you're happy and you want this, then I'm happy for you." Jac told him to end the conversation, but she didn't really mean it. She didn't think that he would fall for Faye again.

Just as she was about to leave the room, Joseph received a phone call.

"Yes. What?! … Ok I'll be right there!" Judging by his facial expression, Jac knew something was up.

"Is something wrong? What happened?" Jac asked.

"Chrissie from AAU told me Faye's about to drop!" And he left hurriedly from the room to get to his wife.

'Oh God, not again.' Jac thought, remembering what they all went through Harry was born.

Joseph arrived on AAU and entered the side bay, where Faye taking deep breaths between each contraction, to find Chrissie calming her down.

"She's fully dilated, Joseph! We were talking and her waters just broke in no time!" Chrissie exclaimed.

"So can't we get her down to maternity?"

"No, I already called and they don't have any available beds. Besides, there's no time to wait. So a midwife is coming up to help." Chrissie explained.

"Oh and where's Harry?" Despite all the panic, Joseph wanted to know where his son was.

"Oh, um, Sacha took him and Daniel to the crèche." Chrissie answered. Sacha had always been a good friend to Joseph, and he wanted to help him in any way.

"Ok, Faye, you can do this, everything's going to be fine." Joseph tried reassuring his wife as he held her hand tightly. He wanted to show Faye, he was going to stay by her side all the way through.

The midwife arrived on the ward to examine her and see if the baby was in good health and that there were no complications.

"So, Faye, have you been pregnant before?" the midwife asked as she examined her belly, to gather as much as information as possible about the patient's gynae history.

"Yes, once." Faye replied between breathing deeply in and out.

"And, did you go full-term? Was it successful?"

"Yes, full-term but I had a C-section, aaahhh, it was breeched"

"Ok, well, the baby is in the perfect position, so we'll go with a normal delivery. Now I can see the baby's head, so on the next contraction, I want you to give a big push for me, okay?" The midwife reassured her that everything was okay and they can proceed normally. Needless to say, Joseph couldn't wait for the arrival of his second child into this world, and this was finally it.

Chrissie left the room to obviously give Faye some space. Also the midwife brought up a nurse from maternity, so basically there was no need for her help. She went over to the nurses' station, where Michael asked about Faye.

"So, how is Faye doing?" Michael asked with concern.

"She's giving birth just this minute; I left the midwife to it." Chrissie explained, as she started sorting out some notes. "I was talking to Faye just before her waters broke, and she told me, that it's a girl this time!"

"I remember when my girls were born, the best moments of my life! And Charlie's birth was even more special, because he was our first boy! Man, I'm amazed how time flies!" Michael gasped.

"Tell me about it!" continued Chrissie. "Seems like yesterday, when I had my C-section, and now Daniel's already two and a half!"

"They grow up so fast." Michael loved his kids but he missed his relationship he had with them. He was missing out on a lot since the divorce.

After an hour of resting for both mother and baby, Faye woke up to see Joseph embracing his daughter for the first time. Joseph couldn't believe she was finally here, he was overjoyed.

"Look at her, our little angel is adorable!" exclaimed Faye, happy like any new mother, as Joseph passed their daughter to her.

"We haven't discussed any baby names yet. Do you have something special in mind?" Joseph asked her.

"How about….Angel?" Faye came up with idea, just looking at her precious daughter.

"That's the perfect name. Angel Byrne. I love it!" agreed Joseph, as the happy couple shared a kiss. But they were interrupted by Sacha, and Chrissie.

"Sorry to barge in!" Sacha called. "But I think somebody wants to meet his little sister!" as Sacha lead Harry by the hand to his dad. Joseph immediately lifted his son on his lap to meet his new sister.

"Harry, meet your sister, Angel!" Joseph joked.

"Aww, Angel! She's adorable!" Chrissie said as she leaned closer to Faye to see the new-born. "Faye, I know we haven't been the best of friends, but congratulations to you both! I brought you this gift basket, hope you like it!"

"Thank you, you shouldn't have!" Faye thanked them. "Well, who knows? Maybe it'll be you sitting in this bed next time!" Faye joked to Chrissie.

"Me?! No I don't think so, I'm not getting any younger you know!" Chrissie replied.

"Well, I heard you two married, right?" Joseph asked the couple.

"Yes, we did, a couple of months ago! Still, it hasn't crossed our minds."

"Well it's not actually a bad idea!" Sacha joined in.

"Don't get any ideas!" Chrissie joked. "I think, we should better get going, congratulations once again!"

Jac had just finished surgery, when she entered the changing room, to get her jumper from her locker. In the meantime, Elliot also joined her.

"I heard Joseph, came back to visit! And have you heard the good news? Faye has just given birth to a beautiful baby girl! I have just been there now. I'm so happy for them, that they reunited. Maybe it was meant to be after all!"

Jac just listened there, with her back facing Elliot, without saying a word.

"Look Jac, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…" Elliot realised she may not have liked the news, or maybe it was too hard because of her past.

"Elliot, I'm fine!" Jac snapped. Elliot just left the room, he knew what she may have been feeling that moment, and Jonny walked in, to grab her by the waist, enjoying their moment alone, with no one around.

"Look, it's just in time for our break, what do you think if we go for a walk round the hospital, just you and me? I'm tired of sneaking around, at least no one will see us." Jonny suggested. She couldn't believe this, but Jonny actually really cared about her.

"I can't. I need to be somewhere. I'll catch up with you later." Jac told him calmly, and left the room to go see the one person, she was thinking about.

As Jac, arrived down on AAU, heading towards the side bay, she met Joseph who was just entering the room with a bouquet of beautiful roses for his wife.

"Joseph! Wait!" Jac called, just before he could go in next to Faye.

Joseph turned to see who was calling him, and he was more than surprised to see Jac again.

"Despite all what happened, I just wanted to say, congratulations." Jac said coldly.

"Thank you. Do you want to come in and see her?" Joseph asked her to be polite. Everyone wanted to see the new baby.

"Thanks, but I don't think that's a good idea. I can't. I'm sorry." Jac couldn't just go inside the room and face Faye showing off their daughter, like nothing had ever happened. She couldn't handled it.

"Look, I'm sorry if I snapped at you, earlier." Joseph apologised, about the conversation they had in the staff room.

"There's no need Joseph. This is your life now and I hope you're happy with your family."

"Thanks, I think I should get back to her. Goodbye Jac."

Joseph joined his family in the room, as Jac stood there, still, staring through the window blinds from outside. She stood there watching Joseph, so happy, smiling, holding his daughter, Harry bouncing on the bed next to his mum, as a teardrop fell heavily down her left cheek.

Jac stood there, envying Faye, thinking that she would have been the one in there with Joseph, holding their baby. . She had moved on, but just seeing Joe's face again, got her thinking what might have been. Joseph was right, she had her chance and she blew it. She chose her job over her happiness with Joe, she didn't think of family at the time, but now, she felt different.

She felt ready to have a baby. She was scared to take the test, she couldn't tell him just yet, but now that she thought about it, maybe being pregnant with Jonny's baby wasn't a bad idea after all. Joseph has his life now and is part of her past. She felt ready to move on.

Amongst all these thoughts, she stepped away from the window and wiped her tears away. On her way down to Darwin, she met Jonny, in the corridor.

"Hey I've been..." Jac cut off his words by kissing him passionately, glad that she had him in her life now, and dragged themselves into the supplies' room.


	2. Chapter 2

No traffic on the roads, the sun was shining; it seemed it was going to be a beautiful sunny day. Jac and Jonny walked through the hospital's main entrance, smiling like a happy couple who had just spent the night together, hand in hand, like they don't give a damn about anyone who sees them. The morning was just perfect, except for one thing; Jac's nausea.

Jonny approached the café bench to order breakfast, before they were up to Darwin.

"You're going to buy breakfast? There's no time to eat, you know! We're already late!" Jac, being consultant on Darwin, always wanted to be on time, in order not to undermine her rules to her staff.

"Well I can't concentrate on an empty stomach! Besides, you know exactly why we woke up late this morning!" he said, as he grinned at his girlfriend. "Fancy some scrambled eggs on toast?"

"Ughh! No, thanks." Jac smirked but tried to sound polite. She woke up feeling nauseous with a massive headache, and the last thing she needed was to smell fried food first thing in the morning. She wanted to get as far away as possible from the café before she throws up. She didn't want to show Jonny so she just brought up an excuse to leave.

"Listen, I'll head upstairs and I'll meet you later, okay? And by the way, you have only 10 minutes to finish that toast, not more!" She was still his boss after all. As Jonny grinned at her comment, she added, "I'm not joking, you know?" But she couldn't help it, she had to smile, and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

But instead of heading upstairs, she entered the first ladies' room she could find, tied her straight, long, strawberry blonde hair into a bun, and tried to enter a toilet cubicle before making a mess emptying her stomach contents. She felt awful. But after she washed her face, and applying some powder, she started feeling a bit better. When she emerged from the ladies', she made sure Jonny wasn't still at the café, and walked past the hospital's pharmacy…

She raced up to Darwin's locker room to change into scrubs. As she was gathering her clothes and bag into her locker, a small paper bag fell to the floor. She picked it up, before anyone walked in on her, and shoved it in her locker. She was in no rush to do the pregnancy test, not just yet. So, as the hard-working consultant she was, she put her stethoscope round her neck, and emerged the room ready to perform her routine ward rounds.

"Ok, what have we got?" Jac asked as she arrived at the nursing station.

"Patient in bay 6. Mr Brown, 55, complaining of shortness of breath, here are his bloods and his ECG." Jonny explained clearly as he gave her the patient's notes.

"Okay, Mr Brown, is it? I am Ms Naylor. Can I have a listen at your chest please?… Hmm… I'd say mitral regurgitation…I'll perform an echo to be sure." She told her patient. "In the meantime, Nurse Jonny, I want 15 minute obs."

The echocardiogram confirmed Jac's diagnosis. "Mo, are there any theatre slots available today? It's urgent, mitral valve replacement." As Mo looked up theatre times on the computer, she replied, "Yes, at 1pm."

But just as she was talking to Mo, she started feeling that awful gut feeling again. "Perfect. Book this patient in for me and add him to my list please." She added to Mo, as she handed her the patient's notes, she hurried to the ladies' room once again.

"Jonny, is Jac alright?" Mo asked her best mate. "I guess so… she didn't mention anything to me, why?" Jonny had no idea. "Well I don't know… she looked a little pale, all of a sudden."

"I didn't notice any difference, she looked normal to me." Jonny added. "Oh forget it, maybe it's just me." Mo ended their conversation but still was concerned about her colleague.

However Mo was right. Jac threw up the second time in a row, yet she felt relieved. Luckily enough, no one on Darwin entered the girl toilets. She didn't want this to be noticed. She headed to the locker room, to change into a clean shirt, but faced the small packet again as she opened her locker door.

She took it in her hands, and stared at it, thinking, trying to decide what to do. After feeling all these symptoms, should she do the test? Why was she so unsure of herself? If she was pregnant, what should she do? She accepted that she'd taken her relationship with Jonny to the next level, but did she want this? Or was it too soon for a baby?

Amongst all these thoughts, she realised there was no way out now, she had to face facts, so she went off to the ladies room again, with the packet hidden in her jumper, trying to get some answers.

…

She entered her office, and slammed the door behind her. She sat down, and as she relaxed her head, in her consultant chair, Tara entered calling for Jac, "Ah, Ms Naylor."

"Whaat?" Jac replied arrogantly.

"I just wanted to ask you something about my research project."

"Oh right. I thought you were supposed to hand it in today, for me to review it!" Jac shouted back at the F1.

"Yes, I know but something popped up and I got kinda laid behind." Tara explained.

"I don't want to hear it, whatever it is! I want it on my desk first thing tomorrow morning. Is that understood? Am I clear enough?!" Jac exclaimed.

"Yes." Tara replied, shocked at Jac's shouting.

"Good, now disappear!"

Tara thought something was up, but obviously wasn't going to question her about anything at a moment like that.

"Jonny could you prep Mr Brown in bay 6 for theatre please?" Jac asked Jonny at the nurses' station.

"Excuse me!" the same patient called Ms Naylor. "Are you going to perform my op?"

"Yes, me, why? Do you have a problem?" Jac replied in a blunt, arrogant way.

"Well I thought it would be someone with more experience. Why can't Mr Hope do it instead?" The patient continued.

"Oh I'm sorry! That's your problem. I'll be leading and Mr Hope will be assisting. I'm more than capable, I'm a consultant for God's sake!" The hot-headed consultant was losing it.

"Jac, take it easy!" Elliot corrected her.

"Oh Please! The last thing I need, is someone like this questioning my professionalism!" Jac defended herself.

"You want to talk professionalism after the way you have been talking to your patient?! I'm sorry Jac, but I'm afraid this behaviour is unacceptable!"

"Look, just leave me the hell alone!" Jac snapped and walked towards the main desk. Jonny was still concerned about her, remembering what Mo had told him earlier. So he wanted to make sure, she was ok.

"Hey, are you sure, you're fine today? You were a whole lot happier this morning!" Jonny tried to comfort her.

"Jonny, I'm fine! Just a bit stressed, that's all!" Jac wasn't in the mood of explaining anything. But still, Jonny wasn't convinced.

"Oh come on talk to me! Please! You know you can tell me anything!"

"Jonny, there's nothing to talk about!" But just as she spoke those words and turned facing Jonny, she started feeling dizzy again for like a minute, and patients' notes ended up on the floor.

As Jac kneeled down to pick everything up and sort them out, Jonny helped her too. He sensed something was not right.

"Are you sure, you're ok? You're not ill, are you?" As he handed her the notes.

"Oh for God's sake, I'm not ill, okay? I'm pregnant!" Jac snapped.

This was too much to take in and Jonny was so getting on her nerves, she shouted so loudly, that everyone at the nurses' station, including Oliver, Tara and Elliot, stopped what they're doing and stared at Jac.

"What?!" Jonny asked surprised.

"You heard me." Jac replied quietly, realising that everyone was paying her attention. "What? What are you all looking at?" and having said those words, she walked hurriedly into the locker room. "Jac wait!" and Jonny followed her.

"Ms Naylor's pregnant?!" Tara asked Ollie amazed. "That's why she was a bit more Ms Naylor-ish than usual!"

"By Jonny?!" Ollie added, "That goes together like fish and ice-cream!"

"Ollie!"

"What, I can't believe that she would embark on a relationship with a nurse. Well in my time, she always had a thing for a lower member of staff!" Ollie continued.

"What? You and Ms Naylor, did you…?" Tara was confused.

"What, hell no! It was a brief thing in the locker room on New Years' Eve. I remember my drunk sister, took a photo of us and emailed it to each staff member she knew!" Ollie explained while bringing back memories of his sister. "You could imagine…we were at the top of hospital gossip!" Tara chuckled at his comments.

In the meantime, a conversation in the locker room was going on between Jac and Jonny.

"Are you serious?! When did you take the test? For how long have you known?" Jonny asked at the surprising news.

"Yes, I wasn't sure, okay? I did the test this morning." Jac explained as she sat down, on the metal bench.

"What, so you're telling me, you had suspicions and didn't even bother to tell me?!" Jonny wasn't at all pleased that she kept something like this to herself.

"Look, I didn't bother to do the test, I couldn't care less about it, but I couldn't take it any longer, so I decided to do it. I'm about nine weeks gone."

"But how could you keep this from me? This isn't only about you, you know."

"I know, but I just couldn't handle it, I didn't know how you were going to react." Jac explained her feelings more.

"You didn't need to worry. You know you can tell me anything. So, are you happy that the test came back positive?" He asked her as he sat down beside her.

"Well, kind of. We've only been seeing each other a couple of weeks. Don't you think it's a bit too soon?" Jac still wasn't sure about this.

"Well, yes but now that it happened, I think we should take everything at its own pace. Besides, maybe this is a sign…" Jonny explained, "I love ya, Jac" he told her, in his Scottish accent, as he cuddled her, and her head lay perfectly against his chest.

"Well, I can't believe I'm going to say this, but … I love you too." Jac replied as she lifted her face, to meet his, and shared a passionate kiss. But, not long after, they were interrupted by Elliot.

"Uh, oh, I am so sorry…let me, um…just…" Elliot felt a bit uncomfortable to barge in, on a moment like this.

"Elliot, it's fine." Giggled Jac.

"Sorry to interrupt but, the patient is prepped for the valve replacement, I've asked Mo to cover for you, and I will assist her."

"But, no, he's my patient. I'm just pregnant, I'm not physically ill, you know?!" Jac replied frowning.

"I know, but emotionally you obviously aren't up for this, and I doubt that physically you're well, I heard about your dizziness earlier, please Jac, for your own sake, for your baby's sake, call it off." Elliot replied, making a hand gesture towards Jac's belly. He truly cared about his colleague. "Why don't you two love birds take a break? To take your mind off things?"

"Are you sure?" Jonny asked.

"Yes, I'm deadly sure. We'll manage around here somehow. Just go out and breathe some fresh air."

"Thanks Elliot." Jac replied.

As Jonny and Jac went for a walk around the hospital grounds, they walked hand in hand, even happier than they were this morning. Jonny stopped and turned, facing Jac.

"So new start, yeah? ...For us?" Jonny asked her, as he held her hand and touched her belly.

Now, Jac finally realised, she actually wanted this. She finally admitted to herself that she truly loved Jonny, and maybe Jonny was right, having a baby together, was the best thing, that could happen to them, if they go through every step together. Maybe this really was meant to be.

"For us!" Jac totally agreed, as she held Jonny's hands in hers and pulled him closer as they kissed beneath the trees.


End file.
